Time has felt strange this year. 2025 has barely begun, yet it already feels like it’s been blown all the way to its tail end.

And somehow, at the same time, this has been the longest year of my life. Each day feels stretched, enlarged, refocused, as if time itself is gently adjusting its lens.

This year, I stumbled almost by accident into the doorway of spirituality, philosophy, and a renewed way of understanding physics, chemistry, mathematics.

Words that once lived safely inside textbooks suddenly turned into sensations, into energy, into those quiet “oh… I see” moments that land directly in the body.

Some of what I read, hear, and realize contradicts each other. Some of it embraces itself perfectly.

I doubt everything. And at the same time, I believe everything.

I move through layers of fog: clarity, confusion, insight, confusion again, clarity again. Each loop feels familiar, yet each time, I understand a little more.

I’ve been changing. From being meticulous to slowly letting go. From strictly following rules to seeing through them and daring to step away. From chasing the right answer to accepting that all answers count. From arguing to allowing. From searching for power outside to learning how to sit quietly inside myself.

In the past, I simply passed time. This year feels like the first time, time itself has been carrying me.

Even on days when I do nothing, my dreams drag me into other classrooms, stuffing me with more lessons than I could ever finish.

I haven’t completed a single book, yet each page has moved me a hundred times. I don’t understand the universe but every day, the universe defeats me gently.

I am such a small thing. A tiny cell. A sesame seed of an existence. And yet, I get to witness something so vast, so deep, so spacious.

Maybe it’s precisely because I am so small that the world feels enormous enough to move me to tears. The deepest realization this year is this: every point is an entrance into infinity.

Every small thing can take me beyond the edge. Being alive is really, really good.



—— XC Scribbles · 貳拾四 XXIV 🌌✨